When you lose something,
it's all that you want back.
You waited patiently.
But it don't work like that.

When you lose someone,
the first thing that goes through your head,
is if you run fast enough,
you just might catch up.
But it don't work like that.

You just gotta watch it fly.
Stand there on the side line.
Wanna swallow up your pride.
Know it's gonna be alright.
Wishing when I close your eyes
With a kiss goodbye...

Well the hardest part,
Yeah it hurts so bad,
is when she spreads her wings,
but it'd be a selfish thing,
to try and hold her back,
but it don't work like that.

You just gotta watch it fly.
Stand there on the side line.
Wanna swallow up your pride.
Know it's gonna be alright.
Wishing when i close your eyes
like a kiss goodbye...

When you lose something
It's all that you want back.

You just gotta watch it fly.
Stand there on the side line
Wanna swallow up your pride,
know it's gonna be alright,
wishing i could close your eyes,
with a kiss goodbye...

Like a kiss goodbye.


From Train's, "Soul Sista":

I'm so obsessed,
my heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you...
and I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind

...you're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see, I can be myself now finally,
in fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you'll be with me

(I love feel good songs that have so much meaning)

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not compromising my promise to myself regarding my year of "singlehood" but with recent events I've looked at my life in a different light. So here it is:

As some or most of you may know my friend & Coworker, Kristin, suddenly passed away on Sunday, January 23rd. She was only 27 and had plenty of life left to live. I could go on about how amazing she is and how much I learned from her in a short period of time but I don't think I would stop typing.

So this is why I bring it up. I'm 25 (will be 26 this year). That's one year younger than Kristin when she found out about her brain cancer. As far as I know she didnt know that she had it until a few months ago.

This is my point: Life is never guaranteed to us. I could die today, tomorrow, or even a week from now.

I've always believed that I was put on this earth to have kids (lol) and to be married. It's something that I've wanted since I was little- as I'm sure most of you feel the same.

For the past month (or so) I've been told that I needed to work on myself because I've had all of these issues, I would some what agree. I know that I've jumped from relationship to relationship and I don't want to dive into someone else's arms to make me feel better at this point. But I know that I can be an amazing person, even more so when I'm in my element. My time in North Carolina showed me that I could never be happy there because its not what I wanted. This made me go through a lot of depression- a feeling I have never felt before. I felt crazy at times for the way I felt and the things I did which forced me into this year long commitment. I believed the things I was being fed (i.e. I need to work on my issues) which again, I know there are things that I can work on inside myself but there are also things that can be solved while in a relationship.

But now I've been thinking about life and how short it is- I know the right person will wait but I'm not sure that I want to wait. I want to love someone like I know I can- I'm great at it (when I'm where I want to be).

You might be lost with all of my babbling right now. I know what I'm trying to say but I'm not sure that it's coming out correctly.

In a nutshell- life is too short, take chances, do what makes you feel great, don't regret your decisions, love unconditionally, say your sorry every chance you get, tell someone you love them every chance you get, don't go to bed angry, and live every day like it could be your last.

I hope I'm not confusing you right now, I'm just typing out my thought process from the last 24 hours.


Take it for what it's worth :)

Spent the evening with my girl Cass-a-frass- nothing better than belting out "break up" songs in the car... The feeling sucks but it gives me hope that one day  I will feel that kind of love again. Everything happens for a reason and everyone comes into your life for a season. Be thankful for the time you have and realize what they were meant to teach you.

I'm thankful that I'm capable to love someone as much as I have... :)

Can't wait for our monthly girls nights!

:)... that is all.

From "Colder Weather" by Zac Brown Band:

Well it's a winding road
When your in the lost and found
You're a lover I'm a runner
We go 'round 'n 'round
And I love you but I leave you
I don't want you but I need you
You know it's you who calls me back here

Oh I wanna see you again
But I'm stuck in colder weather
Maybe tomorrow will be better
Can I call you then

AND

From "Little Miss" by Sugarland:

...Little Miss do your best
Little Miss never rest
Little Miss be my guest, I’ll make more anytime that it runs out
Little Miss you’ll go far
Little Miss hide your scars
Little Miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about

It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose ’til you win
It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright
It’ll be alright again
It’ll be alright again, I’m okay
It’ll be alright again, I’m okay (I’m okay)
It’ll be alright again, I’m okay

Hooooooooooold Ooooooooon
Hooooooooooold On, you are loved
Are loved…….

Little Miss brand new start
Little Miss do your part
Little Miss big ‘ole heart beats wide open and she’s ready now for love

It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose ’til you win
It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright
It’ll be alright again
It’ll be alright again, I’m okay
It’ll be alright again, I’m okay (I’m okay, it’ll be alright again)
I’m okay! (It’ll be alright again)

I've been back for a week and a half now and so far its been nothing short of a whirl wind, not to mention that I've been sick almost everyday since arriving here.

After this week I should be settled into a routine and life will hopefully start going back to "normal" if there is one. It hasn't been easy and I often wonder if I made the right choice by coming home. I'm still not certain but last night I happen to wait on the coolest lady. It was a short encounter but she was amazing. To give you a picture lets describe her- early 40's, SUPER tan, blonde hair, big boobs, SO SO SO nice, and to top it off she was having dinner with HER 9 month old daughter- Tori. Also, so beautiful. She was 40 and on her 1st child- her 1st child. Can you imagine? Anyway to continue she was so happy and exactly where she wanted to be in life. Her baby was healthy and beautiful, oh and LOVED me :).

The reason why I bring this up is because since the 9th grade I've always thought that I was going to get married right out of high school and have babies right away. Instead here I am, 25, single, no babies (thankfully), and 1 year of single life ahead of me. I've been beating myself up thinking that I've failed myself and the timeline that I had planned for me. Don't get me wrong- I look forward to the day that I will have all of these things but why should I be anxious in the mean time? Why settle for less when there is so much more out there. Let me say that I have dated some AMAZING people and this isn't a rant against them. It's about me and my impatience.

So I brought this lady up because she really gave me some major encouragement about my situation. I didn't even mean to open up to her but she was so accepting and eager to hear everything. It was a small conversation but some how she assured me that everything was going to be ok.

so that's the update for you....

I'm currently dog sitting and its been eventful. I really should be carrying my camera around with me all the time because they are so funny!

Here's a few pictures from the camera for you: (trying to get back into the picture taking)

Well, that's all for now. Back to enjoying my Wednesday day off with the boys :)

Discovering the beauty of brokenness.... It's not that easy.

I'm starting to become impatient.

I guess I was expecting more than this. It's only been a week, a week! 11 months to go... yuck.

It could be the drugs (cold medicine) talking but today is a tough day. I'm missing them more than most today. It might also be that I've had a few moments to be by myself and I've started thinking... Whatever the reason, I hope this feeling goes away real soon.

First night by myself last night at the Tav. It went very well :)

First day back at the Tavern was last night- I would say it went well. Tonight I'm by myself but before I get to do that I have to test- Duh duh duh duh. I'm excited to be back and its been great seeing all my old friends again. Tonight should be good- It's nice being busy again!

It's almost been a week since I've been officially back in Minnesota. One week ago today was one of the worst days of my life, one of the last day's that I've cried, the last day that I saw Matt and RJ, the last day that I ate sushi at EEZ, and the last day that I saw two of my greatest friends from Red Rocks. I've been waiting to cry like ever since I've left, but so far- nothing. I can't determine if its because I'm all out of tears from the week prior or if it just hasn't hit me yet that I'm actually here, for good. Whatever the reason I'm prepared if they do come.