Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not compromising my promise to myself regarding my year of "singlehood" but with recent events I've looked at my life in a different light. So here it is:

As some or most of you may know my friend & Coworker, Kristin, suddenly passed away on Sunday, January 23rd. She was only 27 and had plenty of life left to live. I could go on about how amazing she is and how much I learned from her in a short period of time but I don't think I would stop typing.

So this is why I bring it up. I'm 25 (will be 26 this year). That's one year younger than Kristin when she found out about her brain cancer. As far as I know she didnt know that she had it until a few months ago.

This is my point: Life is never guaranteed to us. I could die today, tomorrow, or even a week from now.

I've always believed that I was put on this earth to have kids (lol) and to be married. It's something that I've wanted since I was little- as I'm sure most of you feel the same.

For the past month (or so) I've been told that I needed to work on myself because I've had all of these issues, I would some what agree. I know that I've jumped from relationship to relationship and I don't want to dive into someone else's arms to make me feel better at this point. But I know that I can be an amazing person, even more so when I'm in my element. My time in North Carolina showed me that I could never be happy there because its not what I wanted. This made me go through a lot of depression- a feeling I have never felt before. I felt crazy at times for the way I felt and the things I did which forced me into this year long commitment. I believed the things I was being fed (i.e. I need to work on my issues) which again, I know there are things that I can work on inside myself but there are also things that can be solved while in a relationship.

But now I've been thinking about life and how short it is- I know the right person will wait but I'm not sure that I want to wait. I want to love someone like I know I can- I'm great at it (when I'm where I want to be).

You might be lost with all of my babbling right now. I know what I'm trying to say but I'm not sure that it's coming out correctly.

In a nutshell- life is too short, take chances, do what makes you feel great, don't regret your decisions, love unconditionally, say your sorry every chance you get, tell someone you love them every chance you get, don't go to bed angry, and live every day like it could be your last.

I hope I'm not confusing you right now, I'm just typing out my thought process from the last 24 hours.

Take it for what it's worth :)


01/25/2011 09:18

Ashley, As emotional beings (God gave us these) we respond or react to situations in our life. A death is always a time to reflect, reevaluate, even reinvent and value what we have. What I'm saying next is not to you but to any guys who may read this and think, yeah! I'm in, she's open. I want her. Ashley is showing you her heart. And I say respect that and it doesn't mean it's for you. (Ashley,I got your back!) But your will Ashley is yours and I encourage you to give it over to God and have His will in your life. He alone knows the innermost desires of your heart. He alone knows the plans He has for you and His peace alone, not mans peace, can keep you happy in every situation or circumstances. Let Him show you great and wonderful things, through silence, friends, people, His Word... but remember there are a lot of good things but not necessarily Gods things. Talk to Him about relationships... so you don't need to keep going around the can start moving up! With love and wanting Gods Perfect Will for You.... mom

Kyle Larson
01/25/2011 10:42

Don't be selfish to yourself or another one that you love. Take things slow, make sure things are right and love unconditionally! You have all the tools to a wonderful relationship you just need someone to share them with. Life is too short live it while you can, love you Ash! Kyle


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