A day off... I think I was starting to forget what that felt like. This past week (especially the weekend) really beat me up- physically, emotionally, and mentally. I was starting to feel like I was going insane. I'm hoping that after today I will feel like my normal self again.
This week will also be busy starting tomorrow. I work every day until Saturday. I still need to pack and get stuff with my car figured out before we leave on Sunday- YAY for vacation!
Today should be a pretty good day. So far i've spent the afternoon with my newphew :) Love this little guy. Then I plan on meeting up with my momma, Aunts & Gma later for some happy hour to celebrate Shirley's (my Aunt/ Godmomma) birthday- really excited for that. Depending on how late that goes I will either stay out or go home early to pack and get caught up on my sleep before my work marathon continues tomorrow night.
I'm hoping this week goes by fast but with Arizona on my mind I can't help but be distracted. Packing, laundry, and the even bigger "shazam" for when we arrive... I'm very excited to say the least, it's just the waiting part that i'm bad at.
This next part is completely seperate from the above:
I've been stretched to my limits lately, both with work and in relationships. I've come to realize lately what becomes important at the end of the day. Let me say that although I "realize" and can admit what is important its not always easy to follow through with it. There is still a sense of doubt when it comes to a lot of "issues" but when we are stretched beyond capacity we grow. I'm hoping that everyday I grow a little more and that I can push myself beyond my limits.
I'm reminded of the other morning as I was driving to work. I was listening to KDWB (I think) and they were talking about some guy- a musician I belive, maybe a drummer? Anyway, they were talking about the interview they had with said musician and how he gave up everything in life and constantly focused on being a drummer. He would eat, sleep, dream, drumming. He jokingly talked about how he had tattood himself at a young age so that he didnt have any other option other than being a musician. Sounds stupid to some but how genious is that? If you have no other options wouldnt you work that much harder to be the best?
Maybe it's just me but I found it to be very interesting. My only problem is that I don't think I could just pick one dream or one thing that I wanted to be the best at. There are so many things that I love doing and that I want to do in the future.
well I'll leave you with that.
Just helped build a very large space station... oh the joys of legos :)
Venting yesterday really helped me to move on today. I'm working on not trying to dwell on everything that is going on, and just let life happen.
Today is already an exciting day. I can't wait to watch the girls take on White Bear Lake today at the Target Center. It should be a pretty good game since they are 4 & 5. I'm hoping they can pull out a win :)
In addition to "24 hours in an airport" I'm gonna write another book and title it, "The Joys of Ex's and the Beauty of Breaking them Down"... I think it will be a good read.
I've already named chapter one: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Wait, there is no good.
I know it seems like this book will bash ex's which the majority of it would be, but I would eventually bring it back around to a positive light.
Without ex's there would be no present. Without scars we are nothing. They tell the story of our lives, they show the hurt, but most importantly the survival. I've survived a lot, but its because I've LIVED A LOT... and I will continue to live, get hurt, and survive. I've done a lot of things in my 25 years that most people wont be able to do in a life time. I'm thankful for the opportunities that have come into my life, including my current situation.
Is it hard? Very. Does it suck? oh, yes. Is it worth it? HELL. YES. (not to use that word, but it stamps the fact that its worth it.)
(I am who I am. Don't judge me if you don't know me.)
This is the third time now that I've re-written this next paragraph. The previous times have sounded extremely fake and I was definitely beating around the bush so here it goes... Honesty time.
As most of you know back in January I made a non dating hiatus for myself- a one year promise to not date until I got my life back together.
Looking back on that now I realize that I made that commitment with all the wrong reasons- most of those reasons I will keep to myself but the main one was from a hurting heart. There is a line from the great- Rascal Flats song "I'm moving on" that sums everything up perfectly:
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I've never felt like a song fit me more than this one at this point in my life. I found a lot of strength in this weak moment of my life. At first I would ask myself why haven't I cried? I sat around waiting for the reality of this situation to set in and hit me so hard, but the truth is that it set in the moment I left. The last week I spent in North Carolina was one of the hardest times of my life. I was alone, dealing with so much confusion and hurt, but mostly blaming myself for what happened. Crossing over the state line was my release from something that I was holding onto for dear life, something that I had wanted so badly but wasn't in the cards for me.
Don't get me wrong. I will always cherish that time in my life and cherish the person that means so much to me. We tried and gave it everything we could and no matter how much it seemed like this was it- we both couldn't be happy.
So this is me retracting my statement of my one year off of dating. I was wrong. I can't do it. In my defense however, I had ultimately planned on seeing this one through for the whole year.
I've found recently that sharing your pain with someone else is a great way to heal. I had thought that I needed to recover on my own, but its impossible. We were put on this earth to love and to have fellowship with others. There is a reason why we have friends and loved ones. They are there to share our pain, our fears, our deepest secrets and desires, and most importantly our love.
I've been in a battle with my mind for the past month regarding the above mentioned, but I think I'm finally putting all of my thoughts to rest. I have peace with what I'm doing and for those of you who said "there is no way you're going to make it a year" well, congratulations you were RIGHT.
Here is the music video for the song I mentioned above. I love it.
In other news I'm officially registered for the 2011 Warrior Dash on July 23rd. Me and Miss Cassie Blade will be taking it on and I'm sooooo excited! For more information or if you want to participate go here: http://www.warriordash.com/register2011_minnesota.php#
I went to Youtube to get a video that I wanted to share with you. It's "what can I say?" by Carrie Underwood... while there I got sidetracked and started clicking on a million different videos.
I stumbled across this girl Anna Craig. Her youtube name is Annacraigmusic. She's so cute and I've listened to maybe 10 of her covers now?... you should check her out below- she's 16 and has countless covers... This one was one of my favorites.
Well... life is busy! I'm on day 3 out of 12 days of work in a row. Busy night Friday night, Saturday night, and brunch today was pretty busy too. I'm semi looking forward to a slower day shift tomorrow...
21 days til we leave for Arizona and with the snow we got today I couldn't be more thrilled :) I can start packing now, right?
I went tanning today for the first time in about a year- it felt GREAT!
As I laid (or is it layed?) there I thought to myself: 25 more days until Arizona and only 7 months til my next birthday. You know what that means, right? Only 7 months left to finish my list. I'm thankful that it will (hopefully) be warm soon so that I can start crossing more things off. I like to think of it as a spring cleaning for my list :)
I've become a huge fan of Wednesday and Thursday day's. I've started a tradition and it seems that I always have a little skip in my step afterward.
The tradition being:
coffee... of course :) I'm starting to become a huge fan of Starbucks- sorry Caribou!
Anyways, life is good today :)