As most of you know back in January I made a non dating hiatus for myself- a one year promise to not date until I got my life back together.
Looking back on that now I realize that I made that commitment with all the wrong reasons- most of those reasons I will keep to myself but the main one was from a hurting heart. There is a line from the great- Rascal Flats song "I'm moving on" that sums everything up perfectly:
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I've never felt like a song fit me more than this one at this point in my life. I found a lot of strength in this weak moment of my life. At first I would ask myself why haven't I cried? I sat around waiting for the reality of this situation to set in and hit me so hard, but the truth is that it set in the moment I left. The last week I spent in North Carolina was one of the hardest times of my life. I was alone, dealing with so much confusion and hurt, but mostly blaming myself for what happened. Crossing over the state line was my release from something that I was holding onto for dear life, something that I had wanted so badly but wasn't in the cards for me.
Don't get me wrong. I will always cherish that time in my life and cherish the person that means so much to me. We tried and gave it everything we could and no matter how much it seemed like this was it- we both couldn't be happy.
So this is me retracting my statement of my one year off of dating. I was wrong. I can't do it. In my defense however, I had ultimately planned on seeing this one through for the whole year.
I've found recently that sharing your pain with someone else is a great way to heal. I had thought that I needed to recover on my own, but its impossible. We were put on this earth to love and to have fellowship with others. There is a reason why we have friends and loved ones. They are there to share our pain, our fears, our deepest secrets and desires, and most importantly our love.
I've been in a battle with my mind for the past month regarding the above mentioned, but I think I'm finally putting all of my thoughts to rest. I have peace with what I'm doing and for those of you who said "there is no way you're going to make it a year" well, congratulations you were RIGHT.
Here is the music video for the song I mentioned above. I love it.