Written on 12/29

Well. Where to start really. The past week of my life has been full of more emotions than I have experienced in my entire life time of living. If you were to ask me how I was doing right now my response would be, “I’m alive, but that’s about it”. I’m either free from emotion or full of so many that I’m not sure which one to call this. This year of my life was suppose to be the best year (it’s always suppose to be) but it seems that in the past month I’ve ruined everything that I could have possibly wanted. Maybe on purpose? How is it possible to be so sure about something and then see it come to a crashing hault.

I’ve decided that emotionally I just need to stop. Stop planning my life and let life be. I’ve always been one with needing a plan but as I’ve noticed they never work out. So this is me being selfish. Taking time to work on myself and only me. Stop worrying about making others happy but find myself and get back to the roots that I once had firmly planted in this earth. (I think with all the moves that I’ve made around this country its about time to find a place to stay- permanently) That’s the next goal- deciding where to go. I have two great job offers. One here (in Minnesota) and one there (in Charlotte). Both of them being the same exact job just in two completely separate locations.

Let me just add this comment to lighten the mood a little bit. Two things I can’t stand about airports. 1. When people decided to just STOP in the middle of walking… Hey, lets try merging to the side of the walkway and decide where to go instead of just stopping. 2. Slow walkers- let’s get a move on folks!

Random Quotes and thoughts from the airport:

From a seven year old girl, “I miss the olden days”… really, when was that, Yesterday??

I wonder what a day in the life of a shoe shiner would be like… and a 500 pound male.

I have only been in the Chicago airport for all of five minutes. I already hate it except the part where I got to witness a mother pulling her suitcase behind her with her 5 year old son holding on to it for dear life.

A mother says to her 3 year old son, “If you push that button the police will come” luckily the man over the loud speaker comes on. She continues “see, see they are watching you” LIES.

Alright, back to my life now.

So, what to do? The question of the year.

I’ve come to realize that its ok to be imperfect. I’ve tried my whole life to be the good one to live up to others expectations and to put on a show that everything is fine and dandy. Clearly you all know now that its not. I’ve made some bad decisions. In the past couple of weeks some REALLY bad decisions. Regret worthy? Sure. Have I learned anything from them? Absolutely. The biggest lesson is that everyone has a breaking point. I’ve finally reached mine. I realize that I need to know when I’m just trying to please others and not hurt their feelings and in return ignoring what’s best for me and my life.

From here I need to figure out what and who makes me happy. Start being picky and know the value of myself. Realize that its ok to just be friends and make that known right away.

It’s time to re-focus on my list, my life, and starting to right my path.


Kyle Larson
01/01/2011 23:35

Hang in there Ash, with a little prayer and time this will heal itself! You are a much better person now from what you have been through. Love ya, Kyle


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